Said the fox to the gingerbread man

P80

In life, you are the fox or the gingerbread man.
When it came to my... Friends, I was the gingerbread man.
I had good friends, best friends, but it all came crashing down around my 21st birthday. For reasons I still do not know (jealousy, peer pressure, undying hatred towards me) I lost friends so quickly that it was emotionally overwhelming.
Soon after I had digested the loss, the realization came that I may lose more. This group of friends was so intertwined that competing for quality time was going to be an issue. I was balancing a full time Uni schedule, plus 2 hours traveling time per day, then study, assignments, textbook readings etc. After that came 20+ hours a week of work at my casual job, most of which I fit on the weekend or in the wee hours of the morning before Uni.
Squeezing friends (who are paid full time wages and 100% free on weekends) into that schedule was hard enough.
Thinking about trying to maintain relationships and make my remaining friends feel involved and be social, was exhausting. Let alone trying it.

I don't know how long it took or what exactly was done, but I feel I came out of that situation as a winner.
Ivy keeping friends- big tick
Bullies being seen for their true selves and losing friends- tick tick tick!

I noticed some things that may have helped my situation:
1. I was so so honest, if I had Uni work to do or was just exhausted, I would tell my friends. Sometimes I would hang out until midnight while they had pre-drinks and got ready. It's all about being flexible.
2. Let the bullies go. I didn't try to rekindle my friendships with the Nasties. It wasn't worth it and I was so deeply hurt that I knew my life was better off anyway.
3. I tried being open, if my remaining friends wanted to hang with the Nasties, I was accepting and supportive. I didn't ever have to actually deal with it because the Nasties never came around, but I let my friends know that it was okay. Telling them to be friends with whomever they wanted won me a lot of friendship points, because the Nasties bad mouthed me a lot and gave my friends crap for being with me.
4. Don't bring it up. I tried my best to let the situation slide under the rug because dwelling over it would solve nothing. My friends wouldn't want to hear about it and I was trying to be positive not negative.

All the cliches are true. You will find out who your real friends are in the end, some people will surprise you.

My other half

P50

When people talk about judging and being judged, a topic that comes up is high school.
I guess that's because it's a place where roles, demeanor and personalities can be so easily shaped. Teens have always formed social groups and most teens identify themselves with one of these groups, but also have the bad habit of identifying someone by their group.

When I was in high school, I was a nerd.
I was the outcast, weird, academic, awkward social group. We didn't have the tans, the confidence, the looks, the sports skills that somehow unlocked the door to the popular group.
In my high school, the middle and popular group merged into one super group for my senior years (year 11 & 12).
But still my little nerd group remained untouched. We gained and lost people for various reasons.

We judged the popular groups. And they judged us.
I remember some of the boys and girls from that group being so mean, just so mean. From quips to ride gestures to crippling nicknames, high school had it all.

When it finished, I still had my friends, and I was still the same girl.

Attending Uni, by myself, away from any group and away from people who knew me in high school was so ideal.
The transition time (two years) allowed me to grow in such a way that I was a new person. I got my shit together, I got confident, I was considered a happy and outgoing person in high school but this was different.
Any encounter with people from school was a minor setback though. I would be quiet and unsure of myself. Sometimes the memories of what they had done or were like in high school had sunk too deep.

I was so excited to be starting Uni that on my first day, walking in and seeing one of the popular boys almost crushed me.
But he was alright, I knew he was never mean to anyone in high school and had a reputation for being a caring brother and talented football player.

Neither of us tried to sit together, we were on separate journeys that just happened to be touching during this Uni degree.

A year passed and we had classes, assignments and lectures together. He was a nice person but we didn't push a friendship further.
I don't know what happened over summer, but the 2nd week back at Uni, he was interested in talking to me.

We talked every night on Facebook chat.
We started talking at Uni and I felt really good- I was so unbelievably comfortable with him. Something had just clicked.

We saw each other out at a local bar and that was it, we both just knew. He asked me to be his girlfriend 8 days later.

Fast forward 14 months and we are so connected, so happy and so excited for the future it is mind blowing.

If anybody grabbed 17 year old Ivy from high school and said I would be dating this professional footballer, I would have laughed in their face with disbelief.

I judged him by his social group and we both never made an effort to get to know each other in school.
Now I can't imagine life without him.
We are moving to France together after we graduate next year.

Ivy + Will
He is my person, The one you marry and have adventures with.

Ivy, meet Ivy. She is here to help.

I don't think anybody explained to me, as a child, that your personality is something that develops, but stays the same. I thought it just kept on developing, as in new ones, all the time.

I don't have multiple personalities United-States-of-Tara style, but there are definitely days where I am different.

For today, I had Miss Manners Ivy. She went to work with a face of makeup and hair in a ponytail, she laughed with co-workers, was polite to cusomters and went to her boyfriends football game (10min late but still).

The Miss Manners Ivy version of me is not expressive, rebellious, and does not want to conquer the world (of fitness and exercise). She went to work, did her job, went to do her girlfriend duties and came home. No complaining, no half-assed effort and lots of positive attitude and had mint fresh breath. All day. There was even mascara and sheer lipgloss..

This may not seem like a ig deal to you, but on Friday, there was an explosion of Miss Health and Fitness Ivy. I drank fruit juices, ate no potato at dinner, and pounded through my Nike Training Club app workout for 27 out of 30 required minutes.

Miss Health and Fitness Ivy gave me sore and sorry legs and arms for today. This is what led to the subdued and more docile Miss Manners Ivy coming to visit.
Thats what happens when you compress 5 hours of health and vitality (saracasm) into a 45min frenzy of determination and "bikini bikini" chanting.

Bikini__body

Run wild, imagination, you are free!

I am, by nature, a creative person. The problem with this is that I lack talent.

I have so many creative thoughts running around my head, but no vessel to put them in or physical way to express them. Boasting already. In my mind, I can write a novel that students all over the world will want to read and could relate too. I can use photoshop to create an image that makes your brain go fuzzy. I can sing impressively and touch your soul. I can paint, dance, act. In my mind.

I start journals, but I can't glue or produce neat handwriting.

I start poems, but they all end up about my ex-boyfriend or mysteriously are in tune with the radio.

I buy paints, canvases, display folders, shiny new pencils. But a stick figure is as good as it gets.

How the hell do you bring all the amazing ideas that are in your head, into the world if you have no skills? I reckon there is a Harry Potter-esque phenomenon in my head right now. I swear I thought of the alternative approach to Peter Pan before that TV show did. I swear I dabbled in something before someone else did.

Truth is, my imagination runs rampant and my body spends all its years playing catch up.

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