Said the fox to the gingerbread man
When it came to my... Friends, I was the gingerbread man.
I had good friends, best friends, but it all came crashing down around my 21st birthday. For reasons I still do not know (jealousy, peer pressure, undying hatred towards me) I lost friends so quickly that it was emotionally overwhelming.
Soon after I had digested the loss, the realization came that I may lose more. This group of friends was so intertwined that competing for quality time was going to be an issue. I was balancing a full time Uni schedule, plus 2 hours traveling time per day, then study, assignments, textbook readings etc. After that came 20+ hours a week of work at my casual job, most of which I fit on the weekend or in the wee hours of the morning before Uni.
Squeezing friends (who are paid full time wages and 100% free on weekends) into that schedule was hard enough.
Thinking about trying to maintain relationships and make my remaining friends feel involved and be social, was exhausting. Let alone trying it.
I don't know how long it took or what exactly was done, but I feel I came out of that situation as a winner.
Ivy keeping friends- big tick
Bullies being seen for their true selves and losing friends- tick tick tick!
I noticed some things that may have helped my situation:
1. I was so so honest, if I had Uni work to do or was just exhausted, I would tell my friends. Sometimes I would hang out until midnight while they had pre-drinks and got ready. It's all about being flexible.
2. Let the bullies go. I didn't try to rekindle my friendships with the Nasties. It wasn't worth it and I was so deeply hurt that I knew my life was better off anyway.
3. I tried being open, if my remaining friends wanted to hang with the Nasties, I was accepting and supportive. I didn't ever have to actually deal with it because the Nasties never came around, but I let my friends know that it was okay. Telling them to be friends with whomever they wanted won me a lot of friendship points, because the Nasties bad mouthed me a lot and gave my friends crap for being with me.
4. Don't bring it up. I tried my best to let the situation slide under the rug because dwelling over it would solve nothing. My friends wouldn't want to hear about it and I was trying to be positive not negative.
All the cliches are true. You will find out who your real friends are in the end, some people will surprise you.
